An affair with the impossible.

Mondays are happy now.
But the roads out there are unforgiving.
One wrong move, and I can lose all that I have.

Yes, I am scared.
I am always scared.

I am constantly tormented by this fear of
not being enough.
Not beautiful enough.
Not interesting enough.
Just not enough.

What actually hurts is when I see someone better and realise that I could be there.
And the only reason why I am not, is me.

It hurts to be any less than what I could be.

It hurts to be so small, so insignificant, so ignorant about things.

The grief of knowing what I actually am, is unbearable.

Sometimes I sit and think:
“How could I ever do this to myself?”

I know that I have lost the most precious things of my life due to my own incompetence.
This realisation stings me everyday.
That’s a wound that might bleed for a very long time.
But I am in no mood to get any more scars.

No matter what I do,
There is a deep sense of discontentment that never leaves my side.

Although I have no desire for this immortal chase,
But this time,
I’ll run. I’ll sweat.
I’ll exhaust every single streak of my blood to protect the few things I can call mine.

You can call me a maniac.
But this means so damn much to me that I have lost all human perspective.

I am all up to be distorted to shreds.
I know that no matter how thoroughly I submit to the demands of this ever-demanding world,
It will never be enough.

But still,
I am all up for my affair with the impossible.

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Fearless.

I know I’ve lost everything before I even begin.
But now, I begin anyway.
Because, there is nothing more to lose.
nothing more to fear.

I know something is wrong.
I feel broken somewhere.
But now the pain seems familiar.

Weird fantasies float around in my dreamy head.
And I make no attempt for them to make any sense.
Things like that help.
They help to forget that it’s hurting somewhere.

My misplaced confidence gives absolutely no hint of my inner turmoil.
My youthful steps have finally returned.
And I see my head go up as I walk through the doors.
That seems a lot like myself.

The child who was once afraid of the dark is fighting big demons now.
And doin’ it pretty well this time…

Pretty enough?

Finally have learnt to make myself presentable.
Or I should say that,
Learnt the art of selling myself to the world.

And it feels good to look beautiful..

I am not ashamed to admit that a stamp of approval do flatters me.

But it’s a little weird to see how easily I am submitting to these ridiculous standards of beauty.

That’s not exactly the pleasure I have always wanted.

I don’t enjoy living in a world where you can never feel pretty enough..

If given a chance,
I would surely like to crawl into a different universe.

A universe with a little better standards of beauty.

A world where I won’t have to take part in this mutually orchestrated dance for admiration..

Versatile Blogger Award.

Mr. Devereaux Frazier
(https://marylandpoetblog.wordpress.com/)
I shouldn’t be telling you this.
But being the honest kid that I am😂
I am letting you know that
By nominating me,
You just made me realise that I am not as stupid as I believe myself to be.!

Someone actually appreciates my crazy drama bullshit is a nice thing to know.

So, Thankyou😊

  • Bloggers whom i would like to nominate are:

1.https://wordsandnotion.wordpress.com

2.https://russtowne.com

3.https://orlandoespinosa.wordpress.com

4.https://eddietwohawks.wordpress.com

5.https://scvincent.com

6.https://angloswiss-chronicles.com

7.https://butismileanyway.com

8.https://sustainabilitea.wordpress.com

9.https://jcrhumming.wordpress.com/

10.https://writinginnorthnorfolk.com/

  • 7 facts about me:

1. I love to laugh.

2. I am something which you call ignorantly selfish.

3. Being shameless is the best quality I currently possess.

4. There isn’t anything back there where my brain should be.

5. People say that I apologize too much, which I believe is true.

6. In case of romantic aspirations,
I still am an overinfatuated idiot.

7. Although I am horribly scared of my Physics teacher,
But I am slightly fascinated by quantum physics and possibility of parallel universes.

That’s all.
Thankyou.😊

The guy I never fell for.

Making friendships is just another thing I suck at.
But he was a little more than just an acquaintance.

My most frequent benchmate.
And I would never have preferred sitting with anyone else.
Not because I liked him, but because he was funny. And I loved to laugh.

I studied with him for about two years.
And for about 1.5 years, I failed to notice that he wore glasses.
That doesn’t mean he is smart!!
( in his own terms.)

He had what you call the spark of life..

Most attentive to the female alarm,
Highly abusive and widely hated by the entire class.

An explosion of peculiar creativity
with all sort of fantasies running through his dirty mind.

He was the most dignified motherfucker I’ve ever seen.

He was no way better or worse than others.
He just accepted those things proudly which others also do but never dare to admit.
(Need I elaborate?)

He embraced idiocy,
never watched his (filthy) mouth,
carried a conduct which only his conscience prompted
and never craved for anyone’s validation.

He used to call himself the Donald Trump of our class.

He told amusing stories
in which the joke was often on himself.

And during our truth and dare games,
He posed questions that were traps for you to fall into.

The kind of entertainment he used to serve was definitely not entertaining.

And when he used to talk about love,
He sounded both foolish and serious at the same time.

That was his way.

I heard weird stories about him.
But never bothered to enquire about their authenticity.

And since I am not much acquainted with his sentiments,
It might be possible that he actually did the things I can never believe he did.

But from him I learnt to be thick skinned and not giving a fuck about others.

In his own terms, he is a sexy pervert.
But with the right eyes, he is much more.

In his perfect indifference, he looked sort of vacant.
But beyond that, I have no details.

Maybe I am glorifying someone whom I should resent.
But if that is the case,
Then I don’t want to see him for what he is.
If he is really bad, then I don’t want it so real.

Life is a farce!

Farce.
That was the prompt I was given.
I just googled what it means.

And according to all the definitions supplied,
I can sum up that
It is a humorous play where the characters are involved/exploited in weird situations to entertain the audience.

And I thought: “Isn’t that the exact shit we call life here?”
Except that the joke is on us
and we still don’t know whom we are entertaining.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/farce/