Preparing to die.

Fingers crossed.
Awaiting my boards results.

And unlike my previous write-ups,
this time, I do give a fuck.
(Marks, being the only noble pursuit over here, I have to.)

And in complete accordance with Mr. John Green,
“I am not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things.”
And the truth is that I am gonn’a be fucked.

Although I’ll pass, but not very decently as I always used to.
My assurance about certainly not failing has been a relief to my parents.
But that won’t reduce the disgrace their former star child will fetch them by passing with poor marks.

My papa recently told me-
“I always expected this from your brother, but never from you.”
And I said – “Neither did I.”

It was just two years ago that I was struck by this hurricane of complex algebra, integration, isomerism, rotational dynamics, uncertainty principle and general organic chemistry, which was certainly not general.
And at all this, I just sucked.

I almost lost my power of imagination after imagining those imaginary gaussian surfaces.

And I am brave/shameless enough to tell you that the most valuable skill I learnt in my physics class was to sleep with my eyes open.

I certainly lacked the talent which many people possess called-
Realising the gravity of the situation.

I never realised the enormity of what was happening in those Physics, Chemistry, Maths and CS classes.

English literature was the only thing I cared about and found worth reading.

The other factors/people which actually are somewhere slightly responsible for this devastation,
can actually not be held responsible.
Because ultimately, I was the one who allowed them to fuck me up.
Therefore, I won’t put it as a great sounding excuse.

I am sure my results will bring an explosion of gloominess.
And I may not be allowed to continue blogging for a few days.

My papa, whose eyes I’ll fear to meet
will not be too harsh on me.
But I can’t say the same about my mom.
In her divine care, my misery is certain.

Few relatives will be sincerely grieved
and others will be secretly enormously happy.

I may perhaps end up in a pool of shit
Which I damn well deserve.

I am not gonn’a brag about my love for literature and all this being a life-changing experience.

I am determined to right my wrongs now.

I’ll try to be more practical,
But that certainly will never mean doing engineering.


4 thoughts on “Preparing to die.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s