I personally am a fan of Gandhi and have a huge respect for many of his ideas, but it is this one thing where I would like to differ.
“Hate the sin and not the sinner.”
Well, to that I would like to say to him:
Why not ?!
The well reasoned justification behind this very famous quote is that it takes a lot into the making of a sinner. Maybe a bad childhood, lack of education, lack of value cultivation and what not.
Like for example most people who happen to carry out child abuse later in their lives also happen to have experienced it as a child.
I understand that there are factors you can’t always control, factors like your familial background and your genetic predispositions.
And it is alright to take all that into consideration before you form an opinion about someone or something.
But when for every act that a person does, you happen to dislike just the act and the background that helped create it,
you also happen to deny the person himself a lot of agency.
It’s like when someone wins a medal and you go on to applaud every environmental and social factor that contributed to his making and denying the man even a shred of the credit.
There may be genetic factors behind someone’s perseverance, but you can’t take away from him all the times he fought really hard to get up in the morning, to not touch that snooze button, every other temptation he refused which despite the favourable genetic predispositions, we all know are incredibly difficult tasks to do.
Every time an outstanding piece of art or article comes up,
how would you react if I were to tell you that love the work as much as you want, but have no admiration, no love for the person who created it ?
Therefore if you can’t deny all credit when someone does something good,
You similarly can’t deny all responsibility when someone does something bad.
And having seen the biggest of fuckboys commiting to serious relationships, victims of child-abuse refusing to carry it forward,
and an asshole like me becoming a much lesser asshole is evidence enough that we still can control a lot, despite all the factors.
I am someone who strongly believes in the fact that a man can very well stand against his own limitations, no matter how deeply rooted they are.
The ability, the capacity for how long and how well one can stand may differ, but at least, everyone should try to.
I too was conditioned (unintentionally though) since my childhood to behave in certain ways that clung to my soul and were far from being right.
And as I had no real friends as a kid, it didn’t harm much for a very long time.
But as I moved from my little hometown to some cruelly beautiful places in the world, I learnt how some of that behaviour wasn’t appreciated.
People were disgusted at me for how I conducted myself, both academically and personally, usually up to a point which was beyond my comprehension back then.
We can always debate about how reasonable it was, but at the very same time it helped me understand how the world functions and in what ways should I conduct myself in my future life.
Given the fact that we are all more-or-less bad judges of our own character,
It is the responses of others from which we can learn a lot about ourselves.
And the learning will only be better if the responses are more and more honest and accurate.
I understand that not every response, every such move is a good and fair one. A lot of those responses also emnate from emotions like envy, jealousy and ignorance.
But I guess it’s always in our favour to at least give it a thorough consideration.
Well, you can say that my teenage experience was not precisely hatred,
But depending on my experience in those years, Hatred I guess would have been far more bearable.
It was disgust. Sheer disgust.
And unlike what Gandhi suggested,
It was not for the ways in which I acted,
But for who I was as a person.
The disgust or hatred wasn’t much transformed into a really-really bad word or gesture (except a few times), but you could always see it in their eyes.
And it took me a really long time to gulp it down and to comprehend it.
And I have learnt more from those who were disgusted at me, those who hated me,
than those who were always nice and supportive.
And not every person who taught me something was a saint himself,
But you see, the point is, they didn’t have to be.
The way to reform one’s actions is to first choose to reform one’s personality, to choose to become a different person.
And no real change can come unless you first realise that there is something in you that needs to be changed, and that little bad part of you, is no different from who you ARE.
And sometimes it might as well deserve the hatred it’s getting.
So I guess it’s alright to hate a person.
It however should be done for the right reasons and should be kept in proportion.
And the ways you exhibit it should be well-chosen and not merely impulsive.
And this I believe can be a very fulfilling process. Most of us succumb to using abusive language and going into extremes when we hate someone. (And I am no exception.)
It is however when you take upon yourself the responsibility to articulate your own hatred, instead of just replacing it with forced understanding and acceptance, then it goes on to teach you a thing or two about yourself too.
Depending upon your cognitive ability and if you look hard enough,
You might see the ways in which you were getting unreasonable and what an asshole you were who was manipulating the evidence to support your own narrative.
But you might also get to see the exact reasons why you were justified in your rage.
No offense to Gandhi,
But this I guess is way better than always trying to love everyone and not hating or judging anyone for what they do.
I would suggest that it’s alright to hate someone, if in all your honesty, you believe that there are sufficient grounds to do that.
Liars are those who say that only love has the ability to transform.
I have learnt such things in a few months which my mom tried to teach me for years.
I have learnt more from the lack of love or from the fear of losing it than the soothing and comforting presence of love.
Love only works the way it does because it makes one even more acutely aware of the alternative that is there in store for them.
Hatred like all other emotions is perfectly natural and should not be dismissed but should be acknowledged and then confronted with your wisdom.
And contrary to Gandhi’s proposition,
I also refuse to believe that hating someone happens to consume you.
I believe it only does so when we hate unreasonably and let that one emotion overwhelm all others.
I have hated many people and continue to hate and despise some of them, for very clear reasons of my own,
and it has only informed me about myself and others and has helped me become a little less evil on my own part.
manumausam 